Controlling the Uncontrollable: Rethinking Type A
Controlling the Uncontrollable: Rethinking Type A
Can you relate to trying to control the uncontrollable? We all do it. Sometimes it is on a small scale, like trying to control the choices of our child or a loved one. Sometimes it is on a large scale like trying to control the erratic swings of the stock market. No matter what we are trying to control, the truth is there is very little we can control.
Over 10 years ago, I wrote the book From Type A to Type Me: How to Stop “Doing” Life and Start Living It. The book started as a way to document my own journey from Type A to Type Me. As I was waded through the muck of my unconscious beliefs, dishonest thinking, and reactionary living that kept me doing life and not living it, I wrote down what I struggle with and how I escaped the struggle. Being a self-proclaimed Type-A personality, I thought that what I was experiencing and writing about was for other Type A’s. It was.
And it wasn’t.
A few years after publishing my book, I almost pulled it from the virtual shelves when I learned that the Type-A personality was not what I thought it was. Guess I should have done a bit more due diligence before hitching my work to the concept of Type A, but not much I could do in retrospect. You see the Type A personality was less of a psychological fact, and more of a grouping of behaviors tied together as the reason for heart disease instead of blaming, say, cigarette consumption. No matter the origin of the Type A concept, I had written my book assuming I was writing for people like me. Fast-moving, impatient, deadline-driven, perfectionistic multi-taskers. Yet, when I have shared the concepts and tools of the book with people who are not like me, they also found benefit.
Recently I hit upon the truth. My book is less about Type A, and more about finding our unique Type Me by living authentically. To live authentically, one needs Awareness, Acceptance, Alternatives, and Action.
Awareness: We can not change what we cannot see. To be Type Me, we must first become aware of what we are thinking and believing, and aware of how our perceptions shape our actions and reactions.
Acceptance: As noted above, acceptance is about releasing the desire and the dishonest belief that we can control the uncontrollable. It is accepting ourselves and others as we currently are. It is releasing judgment and expectations. It is accepting our situation as it is; that doesn’t mean that we may not want to make changes, but first we must accept the reality of the current situation.
Alternatives: Often, we only think in black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. These binary options are based on a limited worldview. There are an unlimited number of options and choices out there. When we take off our blinders and self-imposed restrictions, it frees us to expand our thinking – and expands our possibilities.
Action – Knowing is not enough, we must do. I have known for years that I have to speak up and take better care of myself, but this knowing does not change my life unless I ACT on it. Sometimes the action we take, especially for those like me that are always in a rush, is to pause. Pausing is a powerful tool that allows us to act when and where it is truly necessary.
No matter what label you gravitate toward to describe yourself, I hope that the tools of living Type Me can help you have a more fulfilling and peace-filled life.
Image from Bloomberg
