“Love” by Ukrainian sculptor Alexander Milov, photographed by Andrew Miller

What I want. What I really, really want.

Do you know what you want? What you really, really want? Many of us do not. I know I don’t always know what I really, really want. Sometimes it is because I don’t have clarity of what would make me happy. Sometimes I don’t think I can get what I want. Most times it is because I don’t think I deserve what it is that I want. Almost always it is because I am afraid of inconveniencing someone else by asking what I want; by expressing my needs.

This time of year, many of us make New Year’s Resolutions, which should be based in what we really want. And yet, usually within a few days we give up on our resolutions. They are too tough to complete. We don’t think we are making progress. It is easier to do what we have always done. We blame others for keeping us from our dreams. My family would not approve. My husband does not support me. The economy is bad, so it is not the right time to make a change. We sometimes give up even before we try.

Another way we sabotage getting what we want, having a new life, a new way of being, is to act in the opposite way as what we want. For me, I often long for connection. However, something in me thinks I will not receive it or don’t deserve it, so I say or do things that push people away. Instead of asking for and expecting what I long for, I usually unconsciously do or say something that results in the opposite of what I desire. It is dumb and counterproductive, and it happens much more frequently that I would like to admit. In Brené Brown’s book, Rising Strong, she says, “The irony is that at the exact same time that we are creating distance between ourselves and the people around us by off-loading onto others, we are craving deeper emotional connection and richer emotional lives.” Sums me up pretty well. How about you?

“Love” by Ukrainian sculptor Alexander Milov, photographed by Andrew Miller

In my last post, I expressed the importance of connection and service. These are things that I want. I really, really want. Instead of hoping I will have more connection or making resolutions to do specific things to make that connection happen – which often leads to a longer to-do list that I resent or avoid – this year I am choosing to live the way I desire, to live each moment how I really, really want. I am not making a resolution, a goal, or a dream board. I am committed to living each moment based on the principals to which I aspire.

What is it that you want? What do you really, really want? Do you ask for what you want? Do you believe you can and should receive it? Do your actions and reactions match your desire? If not, what can you do to bring your desires into alignment with your beliefs and actions? Are you setting lofty goals or just committing to be your best each moment of the day?

If you are ready to make progress on your resolutions, on what you really really want, check out these tools to make it happen. Wishing you all the best in 2020 and beyond!

For more on the sculptor: https://www.facebook.com/milovalexandr

For more on the photographer: www.Awesomephotography.ca, Instagram @awesomephotography.ca

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