For every silver lining, there is a cloud
Over the years, I have gratefully received many compliments on my articles. At the core of what people say, is that they can relate to what I write, and they are drawn to the fact that I am not perfect. At first, I was worried about this second remark. If I wasn’t perfect, would someone want to work with me? If I showed that sometimes my life was a struggled, would potential clients think I could help them? When I look at the industry, it appears flooded by perfect looking, perfect speaking, utterly successful individuals who got that way quickly and easily. And that is what we all want right?
Of course! At our heart, we all want the get-rich-quick, lose 20 lbs. in a day, instantly achieve your dream life magic formula. But in my experience, instant success is usually not in the cards for most of us. Those who profess easy and quick solutions to all our problems are creating unrealistic expectations. Whether they think that sharing their shadow side will hurt their business or if they are consciously deceiving, either way they are hindering how they can help others. Unfortunately, many coaches, gurus, and blogs make transformation and life seem easy, and I think this is a disservice. Coaches and experts who only show their success may hurt for those they desire to help.
A previous client of mine was very into the Law of Attraction (LOA) (which I have no qualms about; the belief systems of my clients are theirs). Unfortunately, when this client did not see immediate results from following LOA practices, she blamed herself. “How did I mess up? How come everyone else gets what they want, and I don’t? This just shows again how I am broken.” Thankfully, we were able to work through these negative beliefs together. What angered me was how disheartened, hopeless, victimized, and miserable she had felt.
Transformation is not all roses, rainbows and unicorns; it is like childbirth a miracle and joy – which is the result of discomfort, pain, mess, blood, sweat and tears. I am not saying that transformation and achieving our goals needs to be a long hard road, but it is also not the result of a some too-good-too-be-true overpriced self-development program. Every day we have the opportunity to live a good life. We need to be mindful and consciously choosing. We need to be diligent and take responsibility. And we need to do the work. No person, no system is going to fix our lives instantly for us. Only we can and should be the ones responsible for creating the life of our dreams.
It is also important to remember that the outside stuff – how our body looks, what we own, where we live – are the byproducts of living a good life. They are not the goal. I know individuals who have more money, more homes, more stuff than I do. I know people whose bodies and faces look photoshopped. Their possessions and outward appearances, however, are not what brings happiness. It is the daily practice of living in gratitude, helping others, and consciously being impeccable in word and deed that truly brings happiness.
Next time you are drawn in by promises of outward results instantly achieved, take a moment to consider when you were the happiest. Was it due to something outside of you or what you experienced within your being? Then cut yourself some slack. We all have good days and bad days. The goal of life is not in the achievement of some perfect result but living our life to the best of our ability on that particular day.
