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With all that is happening in the world of politics, in how we relate to each other regarding gender or country of origin, and in the challenges of our personal life, it can be hard to be positive. We want to fight. We want those we think are responsible to pay. We want to hide because we are scared. We are on high alert waiting for the next disaster. We are filled with rage and fear. We feel vulnerable and attacked. What we really need right now is more love.

The idealist in me knows that if we all focused on love, understanding and compassion we can make the world better right now, today. The realist in me knows not everyone is on board with this plan. Some people are too self-focused to think of others. Other people believe they know what is right and try to shame or attack others into following their lead. Some people are too consumed with personal challenges to think past this moment. Since we can’t control everyone else, we need to focus on changing our own experience by focusing on love.

Due to the crazy hormones of peri-menopause or days when I read too much of the rantings on Facebook, sometimes I go out into the world with a chip on my shoulder. Instead of having a pleasant ride, I am judging the driving of others. Instead of being grateful for the abundance of food, I am irritated by the others shopping. I don’t know about you, but when I see the world as hateful and against me, it doesn’t feel good. And I especially don’t like that I am also pushing my negative feelings out on others and spreading this disease of negativity.

Whether I am awake in the middle of the night worrying about something, triggered by divisive “discussions,” or catching myself spewing negativity, I stop. I remember what I want is peace and love. Then I focus on my breathing. On the inhale I imagine I am receiving and accepting love. On the exhale I imagine my love going out to others. In a few minutes I am calm and at peace again. The judgment is gone, and I can go back to objectively moving through my day.

This Valentine’s Day look at the love in your life. Who could use a little more love? Remember to look at your own self-love first. Where are you blocking love from coming in? How are your words and actions creating more separation, misunderstanding, and hate? Who is using attacks to protect themselves from pain?

Start with truly loving yourself. Accept your flaws and irregularities. Give yourself unconditional love. You don’t need anyone or anything else to be happy and content. If you focus on your own self-love, you can feel fulfilled and healthier. And when you do, you can focus on giving love to those around you. Don’t feel you need to receive love directly in return. Don’t expect any result from your gift. Just give. Love is an amazing thing. When we give love to ourselves or others it multiplies. Give a little out and you will feel a lot returning to you from unexpected sources. Explore how you can change your experience and the experience of those around you, by focusing on love.